When I was young, im not a kid anymore, but some days I sit and wish I was a kid again.

So when I was a teenager, my friends and I weren’t the least  bit shy.  So when we would see sexy dudes in the street (well, sexy to my standards in 2006), we were vocal with it. The back story? coming out of a taping of 106th and park we saw this group of guys who were sexy as all hell. We asked them if we could tape them – and they said yes :)

*side note .. look how shitty my cam quality was. Funny thing? I had a top of the line cam back then…  My have things changed

If i had an extremely ghetto sized ass, a child sized waist, and parents who didn’t give a damn about me or my life .. i could be one of those video girls/rap whores/strip pole magicians too. =( too bad us regular chicks gotta go to college.

Dreams feel so real untill you wake up. Lets say one day you woke up and realized your dreams from the night were true. If that happend to me …

1. Pooch Hall and I have an on again off again relationship — I keep coming back because he’s hot and the sex is great. He likes me but just cant understand my ultra creative side.
2. My natural hair hits my hip bone, but is so “pufftacular” it traps stray leaves and twigs every time I go outside. I’d still refuse to get a perm.
3. My successful career in make up art makes me well over $100,000 a year.
4. I could sing with soul like Chrissette, street like Mary J, & sex appeal like Beyonce. Keri Hilson and Ciara would be forced to commit lyrical suicide.
5. I would live in a huge house .. on the water. Miraculously It would never be too cold in the winter. The house would also magically stay clean at all times without me having to lift a mop or a broom.
6. Trey Songz is my scrawny thing on the side. Again the sex is amazing, however neither one of us would really want each other in the long run so its best to just keep it hush hush.
7. I eat everything I want with no guilt and no exercise. My body looks similar to that of a young Chaka Khan, only unlike Chaka, mine stays that way forever.

If you could wake up in your dream world what would it be like?

January 23 2009 started out as a normal day for me. I took care of my baby, probably took a shit or two. Just a normal day, that is until I checked my “MYSPACE” email … and it was all fucking HILARIOUS from there. Go on, read and get a good laugh. I warn you its long.

From: Beauty Is Her Name
Date: Jan 23, 2009 11:18 PM

Hi, i know i’m a complete stranger, and i’m in know way trying to disrespect u or bring any kinda of drama into ur life, u can feel free to respond to this message or not. but I’m talkin to this dude that i know u used to talk to James and we been together for a while and he’s just completely being a dick.
I don’t know if i’m crazy or anything for writing this letter but i was just wondering is it me or did u have this experience with him and his crazy attitude too? [...]

REALLY? See now this is why Im hating You-tube more and more each day. If you don’t know anything about an “expensive” product you just go out and buy it without at least making sure you have enough knowledge to make a sound purchase? Yall know I love my make-up, and you sure as hell know I love my MAC so when I see shit like this it makes me laugh like hell. All her pigments are fake. All her brushes are fake. There is no was in DEE HELL she got them from a Cosmetics Company Outlet. I even looked up “illegal cco store” like she claimed was there and got nothing. Yall know da google know every’ting. Odds are she brought this fake shit from a site like Brush 111 or even Ebay, got the “let me show off my shit itus” that everyone on you tube seems to have right now, and got seriously Pwnd when everyone told her she spent over 300 bucks on fake shit.

DONT GET GOT

http://accidentalbeauty.com/makeup/how-to-spot-fake-mac-cosmetics/
A great guide on how to spot fake Mac Cosmetics

http://reviews.ebay.com/MAC-BRUSHES-Guide-to-Fake-vs-Authentic-MAC-brushes_W0QQugidZ10000000002525878
A guide on how to spot fake Mac Brushes

* Just some random shit I’ve been thinking about lately. Dont mind my thoughts .. they can be very stupid at times lol!

Reginae Carter was a single child (to our knowledge) for a good chunk of her young life. What made lil Wayne decide that it was time to fuck every girl in the world and make her big sister to not one, not two, but three children from 3 different whores non-choosy ladies?

Speaking about kids, I saw the trailer to Diddy’s new movie with Russel Brandt or whatever his name is. Diddy says in the movie “do you know how expensive it is to keep 6 black kids in Air Jordans” or some mess like that. 6 kids? … Quincy, Justin, Christian, Jessie James, D’lila Star, … and he is now claiming CHANCE? When the hell did that happen, and what rock was I under?

All my friends are loving being over 21 and getting fish bowl drinks to share when at the club/bar .. dont expect to share a damn fish bowl with me though. I dont know what the hell you got and who gives a DAMN if you drink out of your own straw. Bound to share some germs somehow.

My son’s grandmother has some real big ass balls to just take my child and cut his hair without the permission of his father or I. Now my son has a peanut head like Pharell. Thank god its just hair and grows back. My son looks so weird right now and I still have to claim him.

Nicki Minaj’s ass huge, yet a few years ago it was the size of mine. This shows me that through silicone there is still hope.

Forever 21, XXI, or whatever the hell they want to be called, need to be slapped silly.  Plus sized section my ass. First off they had the “big girls” in the back of the store at the slave entrance. Then on top of that it was so messy I couldn’t even find a thing. To tell you the truth, when did a size 12 become a plus size? I’m average at best and still have to shop at the big girl stores. I guess I need to be a stick to be “normal”.

Juaquin Malphurs sexy ass could get it in the middle of a crouded street from me. Wacka Flaka Flame would have to beg for me to sneek his retarded ass behind the staircase. I wish he was a consious rapper like q-tip. I would have been had 4 of his kids already.

My mother and I share in the same “aint shit” mentality. It wasn’t shocking for her to send me a “they aint shit, look at them” email from work. What was shocking however was that these pictures didn’t originate from the dirty south .. no, these are straight out of (dirty) New Jersey. I cant understand for the life of me why people want to come to prom looking like they should be walking the back ally’s of Hunts Point. Check out these hood boogers [...]

…but the one who made a lasting impression.

It was early 2006, I remember because that previous year around the end of may Pretty Ricky’s first album “Blue Stars” came out and I had just met my homegirl Katelynn because of them.  It was nothing out of the ordinary for us girls at the time. Michelle, Katelynn and I were going to chill at our homeboy Andre’s house. Andre had a thing for Katelynn and he used to call her his “snow bunnie” which made me giggle at the time. I was too stupid back then to realize the only reason he was enthralled with her was because she’s as white as fresh snow,a true ginger kid, a girl that a hood dude rarely came across but I digress, this story isn’t about them.

Katelynn and Andre had went off into lala land someplace and I was chilling in his living room with Michelle who was watching the first Flavor of Love (yuck) and Andre’s cousin. My memory is usually dead on but for the life of me I cant remember Andre’s cousin’s name. I guess that’s what makes this memory even more special, the anonymous vibes that it gives. I sorta remember that this cousin of Andre’s was cute. Fine even. It amazed me that this was Andre’s real cousin because he was caramel and had some height to him, whereas Andre is short and deep chocolate skinned — not that that’s a bad thing of course, being chocolate skinned .. not short.

One thing led to another and this cousin and I started talking. In the beginning my mind was on how I can make him mine. I knew nothing about him other then the fact that he was cute, my age, my  homeboy’s cousin, and that he went to Rice HS. I loved boys that went to Rice, something about that all boys Catholic HS in Harlem was a HUGE turn on for me back then.  I wanted him from what I saw on the outside. However, as the conversation got deeper I was more interested in what he had to say then thinking about getting with him.We spoke of relationship issues, a woman/man’s role in society, funny things, and a whole lot more. In the end we told each other how nice it was to have such a fulfilling conversation and left it at that. By that time the moans from the bedroom were gone and I knew it was about to be time to roll on up out of Andre’s crib.

Was he feeling me after all of that? Who knows. Was I feeling me after all of that? Hell yeah.

For the first time in my 17 years of life I talked to a guy on an intellectual level instead of a sexual one and found out the true meaning of attraction. I was attracted to his words and was yearning to learn more about what was in his head then what was in his pants. I didn’t have to flash my tongue ring at him, i didn’t have to talk like i was raised in a back ally someplace so he would take interest in me. I finally found out that what was on the inside mattered more then what was on the outside.

Its true that we didn’t as much as exchange numbers so I have no clue on how he felt about me, as a matter of fact I never spoke to or saw him again. However, our conversation was not in vain for that very summer I met a guy who had the same conversational effect on me.I knew this time that I should pursue this guy who stimulated my intellect.

… three years and a baby we are still going strong.

I really do, but im about to go in on some of them. No, im not naming any names ..

Sometimes I think I’m the only one with a brain. I’m here on earth so that some of my friends who are lacking gray matter can borrow upon my ample knowledge. I’m grateful that they find me of service, but sometimes calling on me just isn’t appropriate for the situation. Let me share with you guys just a few incidents that left me wondering why I’m friends with some people. If you read on and figure out im talking about you then let me just say that I love you very much … but still WTF were you thinking?

Allie, I dont know if im pregnant ….

True, I have a kid, that however doesn’t mean that I now have built in EPT powers. You think you’re pregnant? GO TO THE DRUG STORE AND BUY A TEST. This one is not for those just calling me for support, rather for those calling me asking me IF they are  pregnant. I do not know you’re ovulation cycle, I was not in the room when you screwed him,  I did not see the fluid exchange, and further more I dont have a sonogram machine ready to use. Why the hell you calling me again?

(background moans) Allie, what was that color of MAC lipstick you suggested me last week (louder moans)? You know girrrrllllll, the really bright :ohhh shit baby deeper!: red one? ________ is about to take me to MAC after this …

HOLD UP. Yall know I love a good chat about make-up. Can you do me a favor though and call me AFTER you finish screwing MR. Man? Odds are im bitter because I haven’t had sex GOOD SEX since Bryan was immobile, so please spare me the phone bone and call me when you are done. Russian Red can wait till after he nuts KTHXBYE.

(my phone rings at 4am, and I pick it up because who would really be calling me at 4 am?) ALLIE, _____ AND I JUST GOT KIDNAPPED BY THESE GUYS IN BROOKLYN! AT LEAST, I THINK WE ARE IN BROOKLYN… IF I DONT MAKE IT HOME TONIGHT TELL MY MOTHER WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!!!!

O_0 First of all stop screaming at me. Its 4 am. Wait, what the fuck did you just tell me? So you and your ditsy babymomma friend of yours done got pseudo kidnapped by some guys you met on some chatline? Oh, you say they left you and ol’ girl locked in their car while they went in a store or something? Now tell me this… why are you on the phone with me and not fucking 911? Better yet, why are you not busting out the windows and running for your dear life? Oh, I get it you ain’t in no real trouble and you just like drama. Its 4 am, free up my line for my booty calls. Thanks.

“Men who can’t deal with a woman with her own mind are cowardly, poor wastes of testosterone. It’s sad that the only way you can feel like you’re strong is to mingle with weak people. If you’re a real man you’ll be strong, or better yet stronger with a strong woman.” – E. Shaw